this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
