I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
