i jhust puked up my retainher.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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