Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
