So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
