what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
