I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
