I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
