Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
