VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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