I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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