i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
