I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
