i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
