sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
