At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
