I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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