I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
