It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
3 2 1 whiskey
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
