mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
