I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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