I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
