I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
