please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Randomize
