i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
