i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
