I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
