I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
