Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
