i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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