She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We are two peas in an std pod
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
