apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
