You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
