Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
