You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
