just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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