Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
