Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
worst night to have a conscience
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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