These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
