Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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