this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
