Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
