I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
