Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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