so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
