I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
