I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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