they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
