So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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