Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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