walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
