Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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